My dark secret…. I hide from my dog when I snack

This dog, this dog right here has secret powers of hypnotism. Whenever I have any snack, especially chicken, this dog mysteriously shows up and stares at me with golden eyes. These eyes seem to capture my attention and speak to me. They say, I have never eaten food and I have never been loved.  They say, you must give me half of what you are eating. Although I outweigh the dog 4 fold, she must consume exactly the same amount of food that I eat.

How did this happen you say? It started nearly a decade ago when I received a call from a shelter about a Mini Aussie rescue.  I did what any normal person would do. I stuffed my shorts with fresh chicken in a snack bag and headed towards the shelter. Upon arrival I was escorted into the open yard to meet her. Then two things happened. I discerned that she was actually a Border Collie/Shepard mix and NOT a Mini Aussie at all. Then I quickly realized that I was in a yard with 20 dogs who all smelled chicken on me. After almost having my shorts torn off my body I threw a majority of the chicken into a group of frenzied hungry dogs and took Mimi aside for a bit of  1 on 1. 

It was then that I learned of her secret powers. By gazing deeply into my eyes she rapidly discerned that 1) that I still had some chicken in my pocket, 2) that I was completely in her power and, most importantly, 3) unable to resist her telepathic commands. Give me the chicken, pay the adoption fee, place me in your car and let’s get the hell out of here. Oh also, do you have any more chicken?

Fast forward to today. I grab a snack out the fridge and quietly close the door. To mask the scent, I quickly cover it in both hands and head for an adjacent room. There, with my back to the door, I stuff the item in my mouth and quietly choke on it as I forgot to chew. I then turn around only to be eye to eye with Mimi. I can reason with her or do the obvious. Return to the fridge and divide the food among our both rescue dogs and wait for the next encounter. God help me.